槽边往事

下面是华盛顿大学一次化学期中考试中的真实问题. 一个学生的答案是如此的“见解深刻”以至于教授通过互联网与同行们分享, 所以我们也能得以领略一下其中的趣味.
　　
奖励题: 地狱是exothermic(释放热量的)还是endothermic(吸收热量的)? 大部分学生应用波义尔定律(气体膨胀时变冷而被压缩时变热)或其变型来证明他们的看法. 然而,有一个学生却写到:
　　
首先,我们必须知道地狱的物质是怎样随时间变化的. 所以我们必须知道灵魂进入地狱的变化率和离开地狱的变化率. 我认为我们可以稳妥的假设当一个灵魂进入地狱后它就不再离开. 因此,没有灵魂在离开地狱. 至于有多少灵魂在进入地狱, 让我们来看一下现存于世的各种不同的宗教吧. 决大部分宗教都声称如果你不是他们的成员, 你就会下地狱. 因为这样的宗教不止一个而且人都不会归属于多于一种宗教, 我们可以得出结论：所有的灵魂都会下地狱. 考虑到出生率与死亡率, 我们可以推断出地狱中灵魂的增长是呈指数级的. 现在, 我们来看一下地狱容积的变化率. 因为波义尔定律指出为了保持地狱中温度与压力的衡定, 地狱的容积不得不随着灵魂的增加而成比例地扩张.
　　
这样会产生两种可能:
1.如果地狱扩张得比灵魂进入地狱的变化率慢, 那么地狱中温度与压力就会增长直到地狱破散.
2.如果地狱扩张得比灵魂增长率快, 那么其温度与压力就会降低直到地狱冻结.
　　
到底会出现何种可能呢?
　　
如果我们接受塔丽莎在我大一时给我的假定, “除非地狱变冷了我才会和你睡觉”, 同时考虑到我是昨天晚上才跟她睡的觉这一事实, 第二种可能必定为真, 因此我敢肯定地狱是释放热量的并且早已经冻结了. 这个理论的推论就是因为地狱早已冻结, 所以它不再接收灵魂了, 因此它已经灭绝了…… 只剩天堂了, 从而也证明了神的存在, 它解释了为什么昨天晚上塔丽莎一个劲地叫“噢！我的上帝.”
　　
这个学生得了一个A+.

Is Hell exothermic or endothermic ?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand
proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore extinct.....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"

Update:

根据网友的提示，这个帖子应该是一个英文网络段子，在十一年前就已经出现，这里提供的应该是新版本。
证据：见此